Into the Wilderness

Therefore I will block her path with thornbushes;
I will wall her in so that she cannot find her way.
Hosea 2:6


In order to better my chances with a client choosing my quote to design his website – I accepted an invitation to his church.  It was an all-black church with a Nigerian pastor.  When the pastor began his powerful preaching, I thought – this is what I have been waiting to hear.  Tears were streaming down my face – he kept glancing at me – I was thinking he thought I must be a broken-hearted prostitute.  His message gave me hope – no matter my circumstances.

A storm had torn through my life and left me and my daughter on our own.  Business was slow and I had just lost a quote which I really needed.  Although we had a roof over our heads, it wasn’t home.  I had enough money for one more meal and a car on empty.   I decided to give up.  It was a freeing feeling actually – not to have to try anymore – just lie in bed until whatever.

I did get up the next morning after thinking about what the pastor had preached – stepping out in faith and how nothing is impossible for God.

Miracles happened that day including buying a book called Captivating by John and Stasi Eldredge.  I cried so much through reading it – I read it right through the night.  I was a warrior princess being pursued by a Warrior King who was fiercely passionate about me that He would thwart my path to get my attention and bring me to Him to be the only one who could rescue me.

Therefore I am now going to allure her;
I will lead her into the desert
and speak tenderly to her.
Hosea 2:14

I was so excited I asked the pastor if I could tell the church what I had discovered.  It was not the normal testimony of prosperity – it was about Jesus being captivated by me – I was being romanced – this was a love story.  I don’t think anyone understood.

My hardships were still ongoing.  We were disciplined by our Nigerian pastor – giving total dedication.  I was made head usher with duties such as keeping the church clean, which started off in a tiny prefab building and ended up in a tent.  But still we had to be dressed in smart black trousers and blouses with high heel shoes.

I would have to stand at the entrance of the tent throughout the service which went on for hours.  I often thought I hope nobody from town sees me there – what would they think?  I remember the florist delivering flowers to the church for a special service when the head of the church group visited.  She came in late and the worship had started – it was a vibrant African song and we were dancing and singing and she gave me such an astonished look – once I was painting the town red and now I’m doing Ipi ‘Ntombi moves in a tent out in the sticks.

After the pastor’s sermon, people from the congregation would be called to the front for prayer.  As an usher I would have to stand behind the person he was praying for and catch them if they were slained in the spirit, letting them come down gently.  But some were too heavy and I would go down with them on top of me and in a split second have to wriggle out under and be standing behind the next one to catch.  My pastor didn’t find that amusing and the high heels didn’t help.

Every last Friday of the month we would have an all night prayer.  I would have to stand for 12 hours in high heels.  I would be so cold I would want to cry.  I didn’t own a jacket, never mind a smart one.  In fact the clothes I wore were given to me by a lady in the congregation.  I had only ever worn jeans and t-shirts and certainly couldn’t now afford new clothes.  Sometimes I would be offered a jacket by one of the men in the congregation, often smelling of wood smoke.

The pastor was having an affair with a lady in the congregation and I couldn’t trust him anymore, so I left the church.  It was hard after that as I struggled with sifting through what we had been taught by him and what could have not been of God.

Even though I had left,  in the year that I had spent in that church – I had become spiritually fit, that when my car went rearing off the road (as the wheel had not been connected securely to the steering shaft, after the CV joints were changed), I was able to walk along the quiet dusty road home in the pitch dark singing ‘Our God is an awesome God, He reigns from heaven above….’ but more than that, I had had so many encounters with Jesus that I knew no matter what I go through in life – He will always be with me through them and never let me fall.

3 responses to “Into the Wilderness

  1. Kim, just came across your blog…we’re so glad Jesus used Captivating to come for your heart and show you how deeply he desires you and delights in you. From the little of your story you share on this blog, it sounds like the journey has been challenging. Praying for your now that God continues to fill you with hope, joy, and courage.
    Karen, for the RH Team


    • Karen, I am so inspired to hear from you. Last night I had a heart to heart with Jesus and this morning I got your message and am so encouraged. Since reading Captivating, I have read most of John Eldredge’s books and long for a community to share these revelations with – to encourage each other with our journeys and to live with our hearts fully alive, becoming who God meant us to be. Thank you for praying for me.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.